13 culvert celebration meal【 Kamakura Thousand Tales】鎌倉千一夜

I always buy sekihan(red colored rice) on days when I feel happy, even in the smallest things. The day my husband got promoted, the day my son passed the exam, and the day I won a game. My mother also prepared sekihan for me on the day I became an adult, on school events, and every time I went to higher education. The last time was the day we announced our engagement. I was so happy and anxious that I didn't drink much of it, but the taste of that sekihan still lingers in my memory. Her father didn't do much with it either, and her mother ate it while saying, ``Oh, that was great, today's food was even more delicious.'' I think it's because I eat it when I'm feeling good, but most importantly, because sekihan is sticky rice, I chew it more than regular rice and it makes me salivate, so it's especially delicious. I want to eat it on normal days, but I hold back because I'm looking forward to special occasions. There are only two things I'm particular about: not adding black and white sesame salt. Because it's the color of mourning. I have also decided on the store where I will buy it. This shop is located a short walk from Komachi Street. Sekihan is sold along with mochi sweets and ohagi. Rather, the main product is        sekihan. At least for me.

The appearance of this store is a bit strange. It's a little hard to see, but it's built on top of a stream that flows along Dankatsura. I'm sure there used to be a bridge over the stream, and  could easily cross it to get to the shops, but as the number of people passing by increased, it was blocked off and turned into a road. Nowadays, none of the tourists notice that there is a current flowing there; it is truly a culvert. But it should be clean because domestic wastewater doesn't enter. There is always a thin stream, and on rainy days the water level increases and then becomes thinner again, repeating itself without anyone noticing.

Six months ago, my husband collapsed at work. Subarachnoid hemorrhage. He survived, but he was bedridden. My husband, who worked at an advertising company in Tokyo, had a free address in his office even after the coronavirus pandemic subsided, and I think he was stressed out by her daily work without feeling like he belonged at her company.

As for me, I joined a badminton club, got involved in housework, and even won the prefectural tournament. One day, while I was playing a game, I received a call on my smartphone. When I turned around, I was at the hospital in Ochanomizu. When he was brought in, we were told that he was already unconscious and was awaiting emergency surgery. She panicked and threw out the rest of the game and rushed over.

Although he survived, he became paralyzed and retired early from the company with five years remaining. I ended up going to work. A friend from my club introduced me to an accounting firm in Tokyo run by an acquaintance. Commuting by train was tough for me who was used to driving by car. Are the muscles used different from badminton? Every day I go to the station in silence, busy with work, housework, and nursing care. Lately, I've been passing by the store without buying sekihan. I no longer meet the people in my circle, and at work I do my office work in silence during regular hours. It's a small office, so besides me there are two accountants who spend most of their working hours working outside the office. There is no one to talk to during the day. Just doing business.

After half a year, I got tired and irritated and started hitting my husband out, and eventually, I got fed up with the situation and finally gave up. Make her lie on the floor next to her husband. Still, I have to do housework. I can't take a break from work forever. I feel hopeless because of the pain. When husband was doing well, I realized once again that I was doing whatever I wanted after dropping him off at work. After nearly 30 years of marriage, husband walked out the door every day with the same expression on his face, just like the painting hanging in the hallway. He never took his complaints home with him. However, I... As I was thinking about my small but small joy and the deliciousness of the sekihan that day, my husband, who couldn't bear to watch it, apologized to me.

“I’m sorry it’s my fault.”

He started apologizing every time we met. why are you apologising? What made you feel that way? My irritation? It's not his fault that he is sick.  It could suddenly attack anyone.

Until now, I've only thought about myself. The person who sends my husband to work, the person who successfully sends the child to college, the person who takes care of the housework, the person who does what needs to be done... That's how I came up with a good explanation. When I was about to be late for the club, I left the dishes to be washed, but when I returned, they were all cleaned up. My husband did it for me before he went to work. I always do things like that, so it's okay once in a while, we should just follow each other, and I didn't even give them any words of support. The laundry was never turned inside out, and my towels were always moved to the lower part of the shelf. He was making sure I could reach them. He was always trying to make sure I didn't get into trouble, but I only thought of him as being kind.

sorry

sorry

sorry

I went back to work. Every day is busy. I want someone to understand how hard it is even though I'm trying so hard. I take the Yokosuka Line's silver train to Tokyo, do my desk work in silence for a few hours, and then get back on the silver train. Days when nothing seems to change. A day with snow forecast. My husband warmed up the room and welcomed me home. The next day, Wednesday, was muddy from the melting snow. I stopped by Sekihan-store for the first time in a while. Even though it had been a year and a half, the owner handed me the sekihan and said, ``Thank you very much.'' Sekihan appears on the table for the first time in a while. I savor the sticky rice I haven't had in a long time. I savor the joy of having my husband next to me. Today's sekihan tastes like tears. It's the first time I've experienced that taste.

"Did something happen today? Sekihan?"

I respond to my husband's voice.

"Because it's  such a good day."